Good morning, and a sleepless one.
We all heard. Some did not believe it, some said they knew, some wished him dead. What does it matter?
There will be time to hold you and to comfort you. But here, quickly and off the cuff, are some things that rose in me and that I wanted to write to you. I am writing in points, so forgive me in advance.
One. Your pain is real.
Do not let anyone dare tell you that you are making a drama of it. Your body is undergoing tangible suffering. There is even evidence that what you are feeling may resemble the body's response to physical trauma.
And if it genuinely hurts, you are permitted to take time to heal.
Two. The saying that everything happens for the best, despite the noble intentions behind it, is nonsense.
The universe is not working against you and it is not working for you. Do not expect that someone will compensate you later for the suffering you are going through, and nobody is promising you that the next relationship will be better.
I am writing this to you because if you expect the compensation to arrive from outside, you will fall asleep on guard duty. In the next relationship too, you need to remember to point at what you want and what you do not want. That is what will protect you. Not the universe.
Three. Yes, it is not fair.
Do not burn your soul trying to understand why this is happening to you in particular. Do not torment yourself for having invested, or for having loved.
Throw off the dimension of justice. That is the conception of a child who lives in a world where every good deed has its reward and every sin its attached punishment.
Your ex will not necessarily suffer, exactly as you will not receive an enormous discount on your council tax on account of separation pains.
Do not look for a way to make the next relationship fair on the ruler. Focus instead on checking whether the other side takes offence the moment you express love towards them. And if so — run.
Four. There is something good in the fact that you feel the injury.
Nobody likes being hurt. Nobody likes putting themselves in a situation where they can be hurt. And still — anyone who hopes for a meaningful relationship has to live at peace with the possibility of injury.
The alternative is not safety. The alternative is never having been there at all.