It is so hard to bear. How does one get through the hours? How does one get through the days?
And that is the whole point. This is one of the most important skills that will ever be at your disposal: holding on.
For everyone currently walking through a wall of wretchedness, for everyone accompanied every minute by fear, gloom, frustration and uncertainty, I have prepared some principles of coping.
One. Restrain yourself. Do not do anything stupid.
Sometimes the greatest effort is doing nothing at all.
We have a natural tendency — usually a blessed one — to respond to a crisis with action, with activity.
There are situations in which that is good, and situations in which it is not.
When you are carrying a heavy load of rejection, separation, waiting or insult, the first challenge is to come to terms with the fact that there is not much you can do. Only hold on.
And a severe travel warning to all sufferers: you will face an enormous temptation to ease the pain with hasty decisions. Do not do it.
Do not sleep with the ex. Do not blow a fortune shopping. Now is not the time to settle an ancient account with your mother or your boss. Restrain yourselves.
Your aim is not to find a magical solution to the crisis. Your aim is to avoid turning a bad situation into a catastrophic one.
Two. Internalise this: you are not thinking clearly at the moment.
That is not an insult. Acute distress measurably narrows the range of options a mind can generate, and simultaneously increases confidence in the few it produces. Which is a genuinely dangerous combination, and the reason for rule one.
Three. Shrink the unit of time.
You do not have to get through this. You have to get through today, and if today is too large, then this afternoon. That is not a motivational trick. It is an accurate description of the only span you can actually act on.
Four. Tell one person, in plain words, without arranging it into a story that makes you look better. Not for advice. So that it exists somewhere other than inside your own head, where it has been growing unopposed.