I truly hope I'm not telling you anything new here.
Because if I am, somebody has been living in a serious movie for many years — and it isn't me.
Right, to business.
What do you think of yourself?
A big question — and your intuitive answer to it will have a monstrous effect on your life. Monstrous.
Why? Because in psychology, the way you answer "what is my opinion of myself?" is simply called self-image.
And your self-image has enormous practical weight, for one simple reason: we do not move a centimeter in this world without consulting it.
What does "consulting the self-image" mean? Good question.
The way you define yourself is so critical that you invest tremendous effort in doing things — and befriending people — that fit the definition. The job you chose, your style of dress, your dreams for the future, the people you share a bed and a life with: all of them are supposed to overlap reasonably with how you define yourself.
Because when they don't — the trouble starts.
There will be clashes with the outer world (couple fights, conflicts at work), because when there's no match between what you think of yourself and what the world serves you, it feels like being force-fed food you hate. You rebel (best case) or turn passive-aggressive (worse case).
And that's pocket change against the clashes with your INNER world. Your identity starts to wobble. You feel you no longer know who you are. And that is misery of the specific kind that keeps therapists comfortably employed.
So we've established that self-image matters enormously. Good. Part two:
What does a healthy self-image look like — the kind that helps you cross life in reasonable shape?
I'll be kind and say it fast, without teasing: a healthy self-image is positive and critical.
And pay attention — the order matters enormously. Positive first, critical second. Not the reverse.
Both sides are essential. Because if your attitude toward yourself is purely positive, with zero criticism, you are deep inside a lethal episode of self-worship, and your reality-testing is broken to the point of concern. To the back of the line; we want nothing to do with you.
On the other hand, the opposite state is no picnic. If you treat yourself with relentless, praise-free criticism — spending your days in self-flagellation — depression will knock on your door soon enough and shut you down hard.
So here is the key to reasonable mental health: a self-image grounded in an overall positive attitude toward yourself, which always leaves a door open for critical self-examination (since mistakes are how we learn, etc.).
Start with the positive. A good opinion of yourself is a precondition. Don't get carried away — we said "a good opinion," not a running anthem about your wonders and achievements. The feeds are already stuffed to nausea with displays of self-glorification, which testify mostly to the writer's inner weakness.
A positive self-image means, roughly: I see myself as a good and worthy person. Phrased differently — I am a decent human being, capable of stirring love and affection in others. That's it.
The complementary, critical side is what keeps you developing — while making sure you don't sink too deep into the self-worship mindset (which sabotages your relationships beyond repair).
Self-criticism works best when it rests on a bed of reasonable self-regard. It's the inner voice that says: "You're basically fine. You are loved. And here are the areas that need work — here's what takes you from a nine to a ten."
When that happens, self-examination stops being something destabilizing and humiliating, and becomes something curious, challenging — even fun.
Sounds like a decent way to start every morning, no?
finally, one for the road:
you need to be robust in how you evaluate yourself, and flexible in how you evaluate situations and interactions - not the other way round!!!