A small anecdote from the nineties: I once asked my boss why he decided to hire me. He said that before the interview, he tried to explain over the phone how to get to the office — and I told him, "Don't worry about it, I have a map. I'll manage."
And now that I've complimented myself in the most transparent, pathetic way possible, let's get back to you.
All this sweet happiness business... what can I tell you — there's something you keep missing about it. Actually, there are many things you keep missing about it, but this morning we'll focus on one.
Listen: happiness is first and foremost a mental state — not a direct product of external toys like a fat bank account or a partner with the shoulders of an Olympic wrestler. And the classic internal posture that is a precondition for happiness is called mental resilience.
You may know it as taking responsibility, self-efficacy, or holding your fate in your own hands. Doesn't matter.
Bottom line — we adore people who know how to manage on their own. They are simultaneously attractive and an enormous source of security.
You know what? Let's push it one step further with a genuinely creative idea: maybe YOU could be one of those people.
Maybe you'll be the one who — when the terror of the overdraft and the sword of loneliness flicker above you — throws them a nonchalant glance that says: "Relax. I can handle this."
Enough theory. A weekend gift: some notes on this quietly wonderful stance of "I'll manage."
a. Never confuse the two: "I'll manage" does not mean "I don't need anyone."
At our core we are incomplete creatures. We realize our potential for happiness best in the company of others. There is one essential difference between a happy person and a person who dreams of being happy: the dreamer searches for PEOPLE (to plug the holes in his life); the happy person searches for RELATIONSHIPS. And one small, irritating, necessary addition: the happy person seeks relationships not out of neediness, but to make life more interesting and more meaningful.
b. Don't kid yourself — "I'll manage" is tightly linked to financial independence.
A good, fair, sane world speaks in money rather than swords. Down from the poetic register: security in the modern world is first of all economic security. The meaning is cold, but not complicated — do everything you can so that your income exceeds your expenses. I know you hate me a little right now. But do it, and you'll develop the two traits the whole world seeks in a partner: the ability to tolerate frustration, and the ability to distinguish means from ends. Those two cherries will earn you a high grade in the academic course generally known as "life."
c. Internalize this: a person who manages knows exactly when they are NOT managing.
People who manage don't preen about it. They have a rare and enviable quality: they are matter-of-fact. Being matter-of-fact is the spine of the self-sufficient person — focused on the task, not on yourself. (Which is why you should run five kilometers from anyone who glorifies themselves on social media.) And here is the punchline: the happy person is the one who knows when something is too big for them — when they need knowledge, help, sometimes support beyond their range. That is not shame. That is survival.
So: things you can do yourself — don't ask of others. And things you genuinely can't — ask, without apology.
Have a fine weekend. And manage.
finally, one for the road:
just remember - anyone who relies purely on external factors to feel good, cannot really be happy