You know that somebody has stopped loving you on the day they stop setting you any limits.
It does not happen in a day, admittedly. But you notice that for a long time now the other person has not interfered. They let you do what you want. Come and go as you please.
Sounds wonderful, does it not?
It is not.
In fact it is the perfect parallel of the opposite pattern: the partner who nags you and goes on at you and picks at every single step.
It is funny how two entirely opposite behaviours can fold behind them exactly the same meaning.
Both total indifference and total nagging may be transmitting precisely the same message: I no longer care about you as a person.
Because a real, living, functioning, meaningful relationship requires that your partner challenge you to some degree — even irritate you a little, in measure.
And do not ask me what the correct proportions are. If I knew them I would find a way to teach them and become a multi-millionaire.
But the underlying point is not about proportion at all, and it is worth stating plainly.
Setting a limit costs something. It requires you to hold a position through somebody's displeasure, to have the conversation, to accept that the evening will now be worse than it would otherwise have been. Nobody incurs that cost for a person whose conduct is no longer of any consequence to them.
So the withdrawal of all friction is not generosity, and it is not respect for your autonomy. It is generally the sound of somebody deciding you are no longer worth the expenditure.
Incidentally — did you notice that we opened with setting limits and said nothing whatever about parents and children?